So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
