I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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