You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Randomize
