Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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