He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
