Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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