Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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