I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
