Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
