he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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