I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
