I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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