all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
