similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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