And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize