If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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