hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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