Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
