I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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