ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
