i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
