I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
