You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I currently don't understand fingers.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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