Yo dont text me then not text me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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