I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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