We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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