um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
