i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
