"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
