I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
