oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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