New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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