Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
