we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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