what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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