Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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