Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
