I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
