He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
