Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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