we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
