Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
