how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
