I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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