if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
