I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
