I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
only you would photoshop your dick
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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