I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
