You're a womanizer and a bitch.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
