Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
