Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
