I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
