Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
