return my video game
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
