I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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