Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
