I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
