my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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