I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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