i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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