whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
