I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
