Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
