I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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