i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
