onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
