So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
