I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
