I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
