either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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