This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
