I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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