He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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