dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
