I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize