i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
