Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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