My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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