That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
