I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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