I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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