I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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