cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize