Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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