Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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