I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
