Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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