she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
