she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
