Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
