Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sorry about my life...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
