I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
