I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He better not be in your backpack
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
