Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he thought i was a dude.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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