he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
