Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
